The Quiet Hustle

We are taught that being selfish is a bad thing. We are expected to be selfless, be available, put others before ourselves. We are even told that saying no is mean. This goes especially if you are a woman. Women are expected to be sacrificial lambs.

I used to live my life like that. I was raised to always be nice. I felt like I always had to say yes. I always had to go out of my way for people. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Didn’t set boundaries. Most of all, I never said no.

That’s all supposed to make you feel good about yourself, right? It’s supposed to make you a good person.

But it didn’t.

Instead, I felt like I didn’t matter. The more I gave, the more people wanted from me. I was always supposed to be available for other people, like I’m on standby in case someone needed something. Whether it’s pet sitting, giving someone a ride to work. Helping someone figure out their own life, lending money. Sometimes even going completely out of my, taking time off work to help someone. I even allowed a “friend” to eat in my car during lunch break. All of that just led to me being taken advantage of. People just wanted more, and I felt unappreciated. It probably even contributed to my mental health issues. (Depression).

I had a friend once that would get angry with me whenever something in her life came up, a falling out with a roommate for example, and I didn’t drop what I was doing to accommodate her. I had another one that would get angry whenever I didn’t want to do something he wanted me to do. No longer friends with these people.

The turning point for me was my previous relationship. It seemed like no matter what I did for him; it wasn’t good enough. In fact, he would act like I don’t do anything for him. His mother didn’t help matters either. She would also act like I didn’t do shit. Act like I don’t clean, I don’t cook. I don’t do this; I don’t do that. They both expected me to work a full-time job then come home and be a Stepford housewife. I will admit I was devastated when the relationship ended. I spend four years of my life trying to make things work with that man.

But after some time went by, and I started healing, I decided it’s time to live for me. To go after my goals and live how I want too unapologetically.

Looking back at the people I’ve had in my life, a lot of the bullshit I got from them was because, I never said no, and didn’t set firm boundaries. I was more worried about what other people wanted instead of thinking about what’s good for me.

Today, I put my well-being and peace first. I say no, I’m learning to set boundaries. Sometimes it is a little intimidating, especially since I am non conformational, I don’t like to fight. But I have to remember that I matter, and my safety and peace are my top priority. I am not responsible for someone else’s feelings. I’m taking care of me now. If I don’t want to do something, I’m not going to. I’m not going to accept an invitation to an event if I don’t want to go. No longer caring who gets mad. I don’t mind helping people sometimes, but don’t expect me to go out of my way. And if I feel like someone is taking advantage of me, or if I feel unappreciated, I will no longer deal with that person. I know it sounds harsh, but it is necessary. I encourage others to do the same.