The Quiet Hustle

I have a friend that I’ve known since childhood. We met in elementary school, had the same teacher. We grew up together, went to middle and high school together. We had sleep overs, shared secrets and were even in marching band and anime club together.

However, there was probably some underlying competition on her part. It started in high school. She was all about having boyfriends and dating. Anytime she broke up with a guy, there was always another one lined up. If that wasn’t the case, she would get very depressed until she met someone new. Being in a relationship became her identity.

I remember there was a guy that was interested in me. She was walking with us. I don’t remember his name but, he kept talking about if he and I went out, it would cool. I think about a week later, that same guy started dating her. Even though I wasn’t interested, I’m not sure what changed. The only thing I can think of is she convinced him to go with her instead by dragging me to look better in comparison.

She continued this behavior into adulthood. It got to a point where she couldn’t go anywhere without them. Not because they were controlling, but because she was clingy. Like she can’t stand on her own without them. She would come over to my house with them and make out on my couch. Even if she did come over by herself, she would still be on the phone with them, texting. She even managed to lose her job and got in trouble with the law because of them. As a result, she has lost most of her friends.

Another thing I realized about her is she needs to prove herself. It’s like she is trying to convince herself and myself that she is special. She likes to talk about how she is a medium and can talk to spirits. Not an issue with me, but it’s a constant talking point with her. Every time we hang out. She likes to talk about a spirit that lives in her house, one time she claimed that a spirit wanted to marry her. When I became a reiki level 2 practitioner, I talked about how we were learning to see auras. She said that she can already see auras and she doesn’t need reiki for it. I didn’t say anything, but it felt like she was putting down my accomplishment. Instead of supporting me, she took that moment to try to be superior.

The last incident happened a few months ago. We were at a Walmart looking at incense and smudge sticks. She brought up how she smelled incense in her car and she took it as a deity trying to contact her. I told her that they may use many ways to reach a person, including through dreams. She responded with, “I smelled it, you didn’t.” Her tone was very competitive and once again with the one upping. I didn’t respond, but I haven’t seen her since.

For a while I was wondering if I’m overacting. But I have to remember that she has a history of one upping, being competitive and saying disrespectful things.

I do believe in spirituality, I am a reiki master. I believe in ghosts and spirits, and other things. My issue is when someone comes along and turns it into a contest. Having a sense of being more “in tune” or using it to feel like they are chosen or just wanting to feel special. That’s very toxic and probably dangerous.

I’ve come to the conclusion that she might have an inferiority complex. I also had to come to the very hard fact that she is no longer a safe friend. Probably never was. Not just because of the spirituality competition on her end, but because she is what I call relationship identified. She will most likely never truly support me. So, I’m acting accordingly.

I have distanced myself from her and I have no desire to hang out with her. It sucks because I’ve known her since second grade. But I know she will never change. I am going after goals and working on myself, I deserve friends that will uplift and encourage me.

I don’t wish any harm on her; I just hope that one day she gets the help she needs.